(no subject)

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

[Some time has passed since the whole ordeal involving a certain pint-sized Yuusei but another certain pharaoh of ancient Egypt still hasn't gotten closure on the matter since someone else decided to suck and take off after the kid was asleep.

So currently, Atem is wandering around the beach but only after searching what felt like the rest of the entire island and as such he is understandably in a dour mood. He just wants this done, the sooner the better, and he knows that getting frustrated will only make it harder to track down who he's looking for.

With a sigh, that speaks volumes about how exhausted he is, he eventually plops down in the sand taking some time to rest and enjoy the warmth of the region and he hopes that in spite of his lingering ill will, the chimera will still be able to sense just how strong his desire is to speak with him, wherever he is.]

[OOC: Obviously for Atem and Chime!Yuu but nothing to stop anyone else from poking really.]

Comments

[stardustg2ma288]

[Yusei is flying back from the springs, sensing Atem when he gets close enough. He lands out of sight, edging over the dunes to watch the Pharaoh in secret. Atem still feels irritated and unhappy, and that's enough to keep Yusei from approaching him, no matter how much he misses the young king.]

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

[Even while resting, Atem is still observing his surroundings carefully so although he doesn't spot Yusei, something strange does catch his eye when he looks to the north. He fixes his attention on that spot but shows no signs of moving just yet. Beyond the anger and the discontentment, more than anything else, he's just tired of this.]

[stardustg2ma288]

[Yusei can't help giving off sad feelings that anyone who's been touched by his mind before would recognize. The idea of Atem being angry at him makes him shiver and tear up, emotion choking him. He finally lets go of an unearthly mournful wail, trying to block off the Pharaoh's feelings from reaching his empathy.]

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

[Atem does recognize the strange feelings that are not his own, and if there were any doubts left at that point that cry silences them.

He hesitates to stand, suddenly uncertain of how to confront Yusei now that he's found him. But he doesn't know when or even if he'll ever have this change again so the pharaoh, gets to his feet, taking the time to dust off some sand before he climbs the low dune that marks the border between the beach at the tropical forest.

Yusei is easy to spot from this vantage point and he makes his way over, trying not to appear to agitated, though he can't help how curt he sounds.] You have been avoiding me.

[stardustg2ma288]

[Yusei spasms as Atem startles him, curling into a feathery ball on the sand. That clipped tone makes him feel sick to his stomach.]

**... you didn't want me around... there was too much tension, it's not healthy for the kid....**

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

Well he's not here right now.

[Deciding it's probably better if he's not standing over Yusei, looking even more intimidating, Atem takes a seat near him and gazes out into the trees.]

We need to talk.

[stardustg2ma288]

**... what the hell is there to talk about? I fucked up... I cursed an innocent little kid, even if it was just to save his life. How is living as a chimera any better than being dead? I didn't want to live this way, and I pushed it on to Yuu? What kind of monster am I?**

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

[Just because he's upset with Yusei doesn't mean he enjoys watching him suffer like this. If anything his remorse is going going to make what he has to say that much harder. It's probably the last thing he needs to hear but Atem realizes if he doesn't hear it now, he'll figure it out sooner or later, the grief unavoidable.

Still, he hates to be the cause, perpetuating more misery in an already awful situation, and he pulls his legs up to his chest, resting his forehead on his knees, understanding just a little, why Yusei wants to hide right now.]

Yusei... there is something you need to know... it doesn't excuse the way I acted... it certainly does not excuse what happened however... you need to know.

[stardustg2ma288]

[Yusei's heart just sinks at that, without even hearing what Atem is going to say. Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse....]

**Oh gods... what else did I do wrong? Did the kid turn into something else? Did he kill someone? What more could I have possibly fucked up, Atem?**

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

What? No... He is still at the dorms. He'll be fine.

[Atem stares at Yusei now. He's so steeped in his own guilt that the pharaoh realizes that he doesn't need to add to it. Tentatively, he reaches out, searching for one of the chimera's hands to cover it, unable to comprehend the loneliness he must be experiencing right now, but hoping to waylay some of it all the same.]

Will you look at me?

[stardustg2ma288]

[How deep must Yusei's guilt be, if the simple touch of someone he adores makes him flinch like that? It takes an enormous effort, but he looks up, his face wet with tears. He doesn't cry easily, but this... all this has just been too much for him, bringing back far too many bad memories.]

... Atem, I... I shouldn't exist....

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

[Instead of pulling away, Atem grabs Yusei's hand an holds it tight, his gaze firmly fixed. He... doesn't even want to think about what is being implied.]

Do not say that. You made a mistake. That fault... however grevious... is still human.

[stardustg2ma288]

What's stopping me from doing it again?! You don't understand, there was a part of me that enjoyed making a fledgling! [He doesn't pull his hand back, instead leaning until his forehead rests on Atem's shoulder.] It doesn't even matter that I saved him, he can't ever live a normal life!

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

[A hideous, sick sensation consumes Atem on hearing that. He tries to quell it but it's over powering and probably too late. He doesn't know what to say because he doesn't necessarily disagree but it's with shaking arms that he moves to embrace Yusei anyway.]

[stardustg2ma288]

[Definitely too late. Yusei jerks away, a hand clamped over his mouth, looking like he's about to be violently sick. In his current state, he can't clamp down on his empathy, and feeling that from Atem batters his mind like a storm surge.]

**Just... just stay away from me... before I end up turning you into a monster, too.**

[It's one of the hardest things he's ever had to say. If he really meant it, if he wasn't so ungodly lonely all the time, he wouldn't have said it at all.]

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

[Startled and grieved by the rejection, Atem's hands fall away, settling in his lap and clenching the fabric there. He stares down at them, idly wondering when they got so wet.]

I refuse.

[stardustg2ma288]

[And at that, Yusei isn't sick, but he breaks down. This time it's silent, but his shoulders heave and the tears rain down his face. He hasn't wept like this in a long time.]

**I felt your hate, Atem! You loathe me for what I did, and now you won't leave me alone?! Is this my punishment?!**

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

No! No... I cannot forgive what happened but... I can forgive you. It is impossible for me to hate you.

[His voice goes soft, somber, filled with significance.]

What I hate is being away from you... so... I refuse.

[stardustg2ma288]

[Yusei shakes his head, not wanting to think about what Atem is saying. Perhaps... he feels he should be punished for turning Yuu, and losing Atem might be major enough to be a start.]

**Do you think I can stand feeling your thoughts about what I did to the boy? Don't you think it disgusts me, seeing him like that? I had no time to think about anything, I just did what I could to save him. You say you can forgive me... but I still feel so much anger from you.**

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

I know. And I swear it is not directed at you. I only wish you did not have to feel it but...

[And here his shoulders heave from the sob he was holding in.]

...After everything you said... can you really not bear to be around me anymore?

[stardustg2ma288]

....

[It's not true, but Yusei can't stand to think that there will always be tension between them now. It breaks his heart, because of one simple thing he's afraid to say now. There are other words he can say, but... not those.]

... I... don't want to lose you.

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

Then... I am not leaving. I have already lost too many people I love to this world. I won't let it take you too.

[He may not mean that the same way that Yusei does but it does not change the fact that he is undeniably important to the young pharaoh. Nor the fact that he has been incredibly lonely without him.]

[stardustg2ma288]

[Yusei nods, though even with his understanding his spirits are still low. He still looks so beaten, quietly consumed with self-loathing... which is probably about to get worse.]

... you said there was something I should know... whatever it is, just tell me. I can't possibly feel any worse than I do right now.

[nesubityatem.livejournal.com]

[When Atem looks at Yusei this time, there is no hate, just an intense sorrow in his wide eyes. In all his time as pharaoh, this one single thing might be the hardest that he's ever had to do. He can't even approach it directly.]

Sometime before I met you, I came across a great bird here. It was unearthly, possessing a wicked heart. It was truly a demon and...

[The young king tenses all over so as not to look away when he says this part.]

It killed me.

[stardustg2ma288]

It... what?

[It doesn't make sense. It can't. Atem is human, how could he... how is it possible for him to...? Yusei's voice is strangled by rising horror.]

Atem... how... h-- how did you... come back...?